I’m in a lot of pain. Like, a LOT. From no sleep to my cracked, dry and bleeding breasts, to my stitched up lady-parts, to my back spasms to my stomach cramps, it’s safe to say that the past few days have seen a constant battle between me and my body.
But you know what? All of this pain I’m experiencing, and all of the absolute insanity that caused this pain… It’s way more than worth it. Each and every time I look at his tiny little body, I am filled with an incredible joy I never knew was something that could be experienced. Honestly, I’d go through all of the pain and trauma of labor over and over again, a billion trillion times over again if that meant that I could hold, kiss, snuggle and enjoy time with my little man, my son, my Baby Jack.
I had no idea that my last Pregnancy Journal update that I posted a week ago on March 19th would be my last Pregnancy Journal update. Yeah, I hoped it would be, and prayed it would be, but did I honestly think it would be? No. Heck no. I thought I had some time left! My due date wasn’t until TODAY, the 28th of March, for goodness sakes!
But at 9:30 a.m. on Friday, March 20th, my water broke and at 4:38 a.m. on Saturday, March 21, Baby Jack Houston Ogletree entered the world.
So let’s start at the start, when my water broke a little bit. I guess the technical term is ruptured, but I had no idea. I had no clue. I was so embarrassed. I really thought I peed myself, or something. So awkward! I turned red, changed my undies, and went about my day. My husband and I decided to go for a walk, you know, to get things going a bit faster, and then t he contractions started coming. They were strong, and starting to get more regular. We began timing them, and lo and behold, they were coming on about every 5-7 minutes! Holy crap. Is this it? It can’t be… Is it.. Hospital time?!?
Listen. I was paranoid about going at all, since the last time we went, we were sent home and I felt dumb. But these contractions were regular. They hurt. They hurt really bad. So after three hours, my husband stopped accepting my “No, we don’t need to go,”’s and we went.
We got to the hospital, were sent to the triage room where I was hooked back up to the same monitors as last time, and all of a sudden, it seemed the contractions just stopped. Vanished. Poof. I felt a horrible sense of déjà vous coming on. Great. We’re going home again. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Why was my body betraying me like this?!
I pulled myself together just as the nurse came back in to ask a series of questions, and here’s where I thought to make mention of my “super watery discharge” and the fact that I peed myself that morning. I was so embarrassed. I hid my face from my husband, feeling like such an idiot for it. But this little bit of information intrigued the nurse, and she decided to take an internal swab, just to see what was going on downstairs.
Nearly an hour later, the nurse returned with a smile on her face. “Good news! You’re staying! Your water broke!”
I burst into tears. “Don’t mess with me! Please.”
“I’m not! Let’s get you settled into a room! Your baby is on his way!”
I looked over at Michael and about died. We just couldn’t stop smiling. Jack was on his way. Incredible! We weren’t going home! Next time we were going home would be with our baby son. Holy cow.
So we were moved into our labor and delivery room, where I was hooked up to an IV of fluids to keep me nice and hydrated, along with a drip of Pitocin. Basically, since my water broke that morning, they had to induce the labor, and make it happen NOW. At first I was a bit nervous, but honestly, as long as it’s safe, and helps get the show on the road, then go for it.
I looked up Pitcoin for you guys, just to give a little bit of background on what it is, and I had to share the Wikipedia results… ridiculous.
“Oxytocin is a mammalian neurohypophysial hormone. Produced by the hypothalamus and stored and secreted by the posterior pituitary gland, oxytocin acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain.” LOLOLOL. Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! I’m sorry. I don’t know what those words mean.
In English, thanks to Childbirth.org, “Oxytocin is a natural hormone produced by a woman’s body that cause uterine contractions. Pitocin is the synthetic form of oxytocin. Pitocin is generally used in two ways: 1) to induce labor, and 2) to augment (speed up) labor.”
Anyway, I was hooked up, and Michael and I were just sitting there in that room smiling, letting our family know the good news. I still couldn’t believe it. But believing or not believing, it really didn’t matter, because it was real, and I was about to find out what a real-deal labor contraction really feels like.
Meanwhile, I wasn’t allowed to eat any more, just in case I threw up (Which I did. A lot. Labor is rough, and throwing up just happend.) or had to have a C-Section. Luckily, they gave me a fully-liquid meal, which tricked my tummy into thinking I was eating. Hurrah for beef broth, apple juice, Jell-o and popsicles!
So, back to those contractions… Oh. My. Gosh. That pain was unreal. Seriously unreal. I can’t compare it to anything, since I’ve never felt anything quite like it. It’s like fire, cramps, and being ripped in half, and torn apart from the inside out all at once and all really intense. The contractions were getting worse and worse, and closer and closer together.
When the pain became just way too much and I couldn’t breathe, see or comprehend what was going on around me, I went ahead and asked for the epidural. I wasn’t in the business of playing hero. I was in the business of staying sane and lucid for the birth of my baby boy.
So after trying my best to “stay very still” while shaking from the sheer pain of it all, the epidural was placed in my back, and about 10 minutes later, the horror started to deaden, and my life was coming back into focus. But there was a hot spot. Oh and it was bad. Basically, the pain from the contractions pretty much disappeared, except for in one place on my left side, about the size of a silver dollar. It was insane. Make it stop! Make it stop!
After some adjustment from the anesthesiologist, and changing my position in the bed, the hot spot totally faded, and I was pretty much pain free. Magical juice flowed from the enchanting box of wonder straight into my back. Oh my. So grateful for that. Especially since my labor wasn’t exactly what you would call “quick,” or “easy.”
Yeah, it sucked. A lot. And since the epidural worked a little bit too well, they had to turn it down, and then off completely. Let me tell you. That was NO FUN AT ALL.
Labor is really just an incredible experience. It’s something that when it’s happening, you think you could never forget it. Thankfully, I have forgotten a lot of it, but there’s a lot that I know I’ll never forget. Like, there’s NO way I will ever forget the insanity, the intensity, the way my husband was helping me by counting my breaths, holding my leg and coaching me along, and the way the lights were dimmed, and the way the doctor and the nurses held my hand and wiped my brow over the course of the nearly 4 hours of hard pushing. No, I won’t forget that.
I also won’t forget hearing the doctors say they could see his full head of dark hair, and that he was coming out, and I needed to push like I had to take a huge poop. These things will all stick with me. The final push will stick with me, as will seeing his little body in my doctor’s arms. It’ll stick with me that I didn’t get to do skin to skin right away, because unbeknownst to me, he had the cord wrapped around his little neck, and needed to be seen by the nurses right away.
I watched him being cared for across the room as the doctor “massaged” the placenta out, which by the way was horrific in and of itself. I watched my husband give our baby his first sponge bath, and I waited as patiently as I could before they put him in my arms. I remember looking at his teeny, tiny face, and telling him how much I loved him. I just wanted that moment to stand still forever and ever.
The things that I will forget are things like the agony, the pain, the fear, the anxiety and all of the other mess. I won’t remember getting stitches, or feeling like my insides were being ripped out of my stomach right through my skin. Praise God.
After Jack’s first feeding, and after Michael and I spent a bit of time with him one on one, we called Major back, so we could spend some time together as our family of four. I will never forget Major’s face as it lit up when his little brother grabbed his finger for the first time. The joy was obvious, and I could just feel so much happiness flowing through the room, and all of the pain that was lingering just faded away.
Then came grandparents, and other family to ooh and ahh over our little bundle of joy. It was just so evident how loved Baby Jack is, just within his first few minutes of life, and that made me very happy.
Michael and I are feeling VERY blessed from the outpouring of love from our friends and family, as well as from all of the people who cared for Baby Jack and me at the hospital where I delivered him into the world. The doctors, nurses and other staff were all so absolutely amazing, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of them.
So at the end of the day, I’d go through all of that again forever until the end of time if it meant that I got to see, and be with my beautiful boy, even for just a moment. So worth it. Everything about that day, all of the pain and struggle and fear and… all of the emotions… EVERYTHING was way more than worth it.
So there you have it folks, entry numero uno in The Baby Journal! I don’t know what the format for this will be, as it won’t be as specific as The Pregnancy Journal was with all of the questions that remained the same, week to week. I think this will be more of an update on Baby Jack, his growth, our family and some other observations along the way. We’re going to have fun with it, that’s for sure, so let me know in the comments below what you think! What should I be doing with this here Baby Journal?